


Surprise!

by christinefromsherwood



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Birthday, Cats, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M, bond breaks into q's flat, injured james bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28669890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinefromsherwood/pseuds/christinefromsherwood
Summary: “So to summarize tonight’s proceedings: in order to break into my flat, you climbed the tree across the street, shot out my bathroom window with a grappling hook and broke the toilet by using it as a landing pad for when you ziplined over,” Q said in his conversational tone.James cringed, though whether that was because of Q’s words or the antiseptic pressed into the scratch on his cheek he wasn’t exactly sure.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 35
Kudos: 142





	Surprise!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MrKsan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrKsan/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KSANOLAS!!!
> 
> I don't really know your sad medic, but I wanted to give you a Q-takes-care-of-James's-wounds fic instead. And then this happened. I hope you have fun reading it!
> 
> Thank you, souffle, for lending me your betaing eyes again.

“So to summarize tonight’s proceedings: in order to break into my flat, you climbed the tree across the street, shot out my bathroom window with a grappling hook and broke the toilet by using it as a landing pad for when you ziplined over,” Q said in his conversational tone. 

James cringed, though whether that was because of Q’s words or the antiseptic pressed into the scratch on his cheek he wasn’t exactly sure. 

Q took a deep breath and continued: 

“You then quite naturally supposed I wouldn’t be too happy with the manner of your intrusion, therefore you decided to cook me dinner. Somehow--and I suppose I have your many years of playing Minesweeper during downtime to thank for that--you discovered the pressure cooker Auntie Matilda had foisted upon me and that I’d quite happily left in its box, unopened and unremembered.”

“Well, ossobuco needs-”

“Naturally, it wouldn’t do to forget the mental anguish you have caused my cats when dear Matilda’s Trojan horse of a gift exploded and decorated my kitchen with half-cooked bits of veal and tomatoes. Now, don’t think I’m ungrateful that you thought to use a shield and stop the projectile that was the shank bone from doing untold damage to your face. Still, I would personally have preferred if the shield hadn’t been my newest, work-issued tablet.”

James huffed. “I said that I’m sorry, Q, what more can I-”

“But I feel that I am still missing something. What was it now? It’s on the tip of my tongue. Was it something Dr. Gillespie said? Oh yes. You did all of this while suffering from cracked ribs and a bruised tailbone, for the treatment of which _you refused to wait in Medical_.”

Q paused, as though waiting for a response, but James knew he wasn’t really. Because, as he suspected, they’d now got to the crux of the matter. But it wasn’t as though James had had a choice!

“Well-” he began slowly and, sure enough, was interrupted:

“James, what were you thinking?”

He threw up his hands. “It’s not like I planned this, Q!”

“Really? So I suppose you tripped and fell up a tree with a grappling hook and a backpack full of cooking ingredients completely by accident? Because I know for a fact that veal shank-”

“I wanted to surprise you!”

“Congratulations! I was extremely surprised to come home to my cats freaking out in the bedroom and my boyfriend passed out on the floor of my exploded-!”

“You don’t need to be all sarcastic about it, Q. I just wanted to celebrate your birthday with you, since I missed it yesterday.”

“What? No, you didn-” Q looked over to where James was pointing towards the wall calendar in the kitchen where a bit of tomato marked the date. “Oh.”

“ _Oh,_ ” James echoed with a sigh. “I guessed you forgot all about it because of the mission and I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t have time to wait until Gilespie decided to come back with the same bandages and painkillers that we have at- And anyway, there was no time for me to try to pick your lock and make dinner, so I _had to_ zipline over. The grappling hook was supposed to go into the balcony railing above you, but I-” James shrugged and winced as his ribs protested.

“Missed,” Q finished for him, quietly. James nodded, hoping that Q hadn’t noticed his almost slip before.

“Happy birthday?” he tried tentatively. It came out like a question.

They sat there--Q on the coffee table; James on the sofa--staring. 

Now that Q’s face relaxed from its angry scowl, there was something soft and new in his eyes. James couldn’t bear to examine it for too long and, besides, the speckles of blood on the cotton swab in Q’s hand made a rather interesting pattern.

Suddenly, the swab was gone and in its place-

“Here,” Q said and nudged a warm piece of metal into James’s hand. James blinked at the key, then up at Q, who was smiling sheepishly, then back at the key. “I’ve been wanting to give you this but I kept forgetting. Like with my birthday.” 

“Oh.” Q had given him a key. Possibly, a key to his flat? No, definitely a key to his flat! “Er-Thank you. I- I lost your present in the Channel.”

Q snorted and then--blink and you miss it--he bent down and kissed James’s cheek.

“I’ll go see if we have any bandages in the bathroom.”

James could feel his ears turn red. “I’ll come-”

“No, you will sit here and rest your ribs. I will go get Edmund to sit on you, don’t think I won’t!” And with that threat, he walked off to the bathroom, gingerly side-stepping the puddles of ossobuco sauce.

Huffing out a laugh, James closed his fingers around the key. A bit of veal detached itself from the ceiling and fell onto the floor with a splat.

No, this definitely wasn’t how he’d imagined the evening when he was loading his backpack with potatoes and infiltration gear. 

James wondered if the cleaning crew from Six would come help deal with the kitchen and the bathroom if he told them it was the Quartermaster’s birthday, and whether Q would kill him if he did that. Or if he should call Claridges and book a suite for them and the cats for the night. 

“Meow,” opined Edmund from the bedroom, as he slunk through the gap in the door and made his way over to the sofa.

“Well, if you say so,” said James and reached for his phone. 

Edmund vaulted himself into his lap and began to nose at the stains on his sweater, utterly unsympathetic to cracked ribs or bruised tailbones. Then, Lucy slunk out behind her brother and stuck her cold nose under James’s ear. 

James yelped, groaned and began to fend them off. No, definitely not how he’d envisioned the evening.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are welcome. Send me a smiley if I made you laugh out loud.


End file.
